4. Hopelessly Optimistic

Stained concrete, black tar, heroine.
People keep looking, they don't know where you have been.

Hopped off the train to make your own station,
Fell off the wagon to create more frustration.

Straining to see all the incompetency.
I don't see the creativity, I don't see me.
I don't have a will to live yet I persist.
Maybe we're all hopeless optimists.

Locked in a straitjacket,
They say we're kind.
But I don't see sense in this human mind.
Aren't we all just saying that we're all right?
It’s not all right if you can barely make it through the night.
Battling demons, there is no light.
But seemingly enough we get up.
Seemingly enough, we don't crash our car.

Tears in our eyes, we have come so far.
Contentment is a place to sit and wait
But the destination is outlined in our fate.
Do we live, do we die? Should we even try?

Searching for meaning and ending up cleaning,
Scrubbing and bleeding until our plastic minds are gleaming.

Hoping to break the wave before the wave breaks me.
Caught in the undercurrent, you can never catch me.
The void in my mind is slipping down my spine,
Bending over backwards
Attempting to hack.

They attack and they leave me breathless.
Asking what I can do to live, they leave me no guesses.

I liken pain but that's not why I’m insane.
I feel insane but that's not why I complain.
It doesn't do any good to fill life with distractions,
Going over and over, creating more traction.
All this pain is minimized to a mere fraction.

You are lonely, envious, you're done.
But something in you holds on.

Jealousy and friends keep partying,
Partaking in places they've never been,
Exchanging glances in the door to heaven.

Deteriorating out of spite to my heart,
My brain, it keeps tearing me apart.

So it's okay if you don't do that dance today.
Perceived as a distraction, it's a celebration:
You are here today.
Stay hungry for peace, stimulating.
Keep calm at the mind, it is frustrating.
There's a tear in your eye, it's completing
A journey that is too,
Too long overdue.
A journey that is to,
To find you.

You, unadulterated.
You, free from harm.
You, pain-free,
At least from your heart.
As beautiful as destruction is,
The art of healing is infinite.

I don't have a will to live, yet I persist.
Maybe we're all hopeless optimists.

Graham Watts